This year was the first year that we actually checked in graduates at graduation which blows my mind. Seriously. Before this year ANYONE could enter at the student entrance if they were in a cap and gown. ANYONE. Can you believe that??
Every year we have had students show up who are not actually graduating. Some of them are just trying to walk early, but since they are actually enrolled, I go ahead and let them in. Then, there are the rest. We had one student who had not been enrolled for SEVEN YEARS. Seven!! And then she argued with me that I did not know what I was talking about.
Lady. I can see your academic record. You are not a student. She could not log into her campus email, she could not name the classes she allegedly took this semester, and she could not name a single faculty member. I told her that I would be happy to call her guests and explain the situation, but she decided to leave on her own. I’m honestly not a cold heartless bastard, and I give them several opportunities to fess up. I have a lot of empathy for the fact that life happened, a student quit school/was dismissed, and has felt the pressure to keep up the appearance of attendance. That is a horrible situation to be in and I cannot even imagine the misery of carrying on with that lie. But, at some point, the truth will come out, and you might as well start with me.
If a student will admit to me that they are not enrolled and will commit to meeting with an adviser soon to figure out how we can get them back enrolled (in any institution of higher education), then I will let them participate in graduation. I do not want to humiliate someone in that way, but they have to be willing to admit to the charade. I explain this to them and promise that they will be able to walk if they will just tell the truth, yet many STILL LIE.
Luckily for most of them, there were a lot of soft-hearted men from student affairs who cannot handle tears and guilted me into letting them walk. Next time, no nice men at check in!
I also had an angry email yesterday from a lady who attended graduation and was angry at the “sexist and offensive security measures.” She called us cowards for requiring that people go through metal detectors and have bags searched. She said it was sexist because it was mostly women who have bags and therefore their stuff gets searched more often. Listen lady, every bag gets searched. Period. If you do not want your bag searched, then do not take a bag. And what is sexist are the lack of usable pockets (or any pockets) on women’s clothing! We would not need bags if we had better pockets!
Anyway, she said it was laughable that we sang the national anthem because we are “definitely not brave” and “there is no freedom” where that kind of search exists.
Lady, on Friday there was a school shooting where 10 people were murdered. We do not live in a world where places like schools, concerts, Christmas markets, or club venues are safe. This world is not safe and it has not been for a long time. If you do not want to endure security checks, then do not leave your home.
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