Puke and Rally

We wrapped up our semester with graduation this weekend and now I am mentally peaced out until I fly home tonight. I still feel like a zombie even though I pretty much slept through the entire day on Sunday. This was my first year to be HBIC of commencement and I have lost a lot of sleep over it. We have two amazing women who actually do the planning and execution of the whole thing, so in reality I’m pretty useless, but still THE PRESSURE.

Lisa and I have always attended the graduation ceremonies to help manage our boss. We get him there on time, make sure he rests between ceremonies, get him into all of his regalia and pin it all down (no one likes a crooked medallion!), and keep him on schedule when he goes out to see students and faculty before the ceremonies. Essentially, we just spend all day running him around and being bossy as hell. It’s fun!

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But, now, I have to keep him on track AND be responsible for the problems at the graduation ceremony. I don’t know how I get myself into these situations. We got there early Friday morning, and I immediately got a very serious lecture about how I am the only one who can give the word to cut the live stream if something goes wrong. What is something? Is it death? Is it is a protest?? Beach balls with foul language written on them? WHAT IS THE LINE. I was handed a walkie talked and immediately felt overwhelmed by the responsibility.

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Sure enough, just a few minutes later, we get word that there was going to be a streaker at one of our ceremonies.

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I was informed over “the walkie” that I needed to talk to the control room about the plan should someone go flopping their goods about during the ceremony. Unfortunately, no one knew which floor the control room was on. So, I spent 30 minutes running up and down stairs in a seven floor venue desperately trying to find the control room. I finally found it, and when I explained the situation the entire control room full of men laughed at me and my panic. The producer said that if someone decides to go “weenie-ing around the floor,” then they will just film something else until security gets them wrapped up in a blanket and hauled off to the police.

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I asked him for guidance on when we would cut the live stream, and he said death or terrorism. It’s nice to have clear cut directions even though I did not appreciate them all laughing at me. I will not forget this offense.

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Much to my joy, no streaking happened in the first ceremony. Unfortunately, right as it ended and about 10,000 people were leaving the arena, we learned that there had been a car chase that ended close to the arena. Cops were swarming the area and we were informed that the guy was on foot and also had a gun on him. So, a panicked gun-wielding man with face tattoos (that’s how you they mean criminal business) was potentially fleeing through our crowd.

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Thankfully, the police officers who had been directing traffic were able to provide additional coverage as our crowd exited and no one was injured. They finally found the guy that night a few blocks away, but that was some unnecessary drama.

I picked up my boss at 5 am on Saturday, and drove back to the arena for day two of the ceremonies. There is a particular college that we always have to schedule first thing in the morning because they have some rowdy programs (NURSING). I have been told multiple times that this is an exaggeration and baseless rumor. Approximately 12 minutes into their ceremony, we already had two students barfing (not nurses). The puke was completely clear which means the knuckleheads had been drinking on an empty stomach.

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Hearing “We have pukers” over the walkie talked was not what I expected that early in the morning. Not only did they barf all over the floor, they also got it on the three girls in front of them. One of the students even came back and barfed again on people. We now have a “one barf and done” rule. I do not understand why people get so drunk on important days. I had a friend who was so plastered at her wedding that she had to stop midway down the aisle to lean on a pew and regain her balance. You can’t remember anything and you feel terrible after when you drink that much. Party AFTER you finish the important part. We had another puker in our afternoon ceremony, so it was a super fun time for everyone.

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Get your shit together, people.

We made it through commencement and everyone lived, so that is all that really matters. We hung out with friends on Saturday night, then I slept through most of Sunday. I was exhausted from all of the holiday events and graduation stress, so I started watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

Parts of it are almost more delightful than I can stand and it often feels like I’m watching a Broadway show. I managed to persevere through it and I like it overall. At times it feels too precious and fast-talking, but that makes sense since was created by Amy Sherman-Palladino (of Gilmore Girls fame). Midge is frequently a bit too much for me, but even if I hated her, Tony Shalhoub as Abe Weissman would keep me watching. I relate to him so deeply. I guess grumpy Jewish dad in a sweater vest is my true aesthetic.

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