Poetic Noble Land Mermaiding

In the past year, I have noticed a SIGNIFICANT increase in the number of coworkers and acquaintances (not actual friends) who are concerned about my single lady status. Apparently, 33 was the threshold at which they felt like I needed a love intervention. Listen, I am fine. My life is fine. If I wanted to date, then I would date. It is my choice to be single and I am not ever sorry about it. And let me tell you a little secret, being single is SUPER SUPER easy and really fun because I do what I want all the time! I have also realized that I have now crossed some magical age line in which ANY LIVING MAN should be a romantic option for me.

And I mean ANYONE. A co-worker recently mortified me when he announced to a group of people that I should date another co-worker’s son. A son he has never even met and a son that could very well ALREADY BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. When I deflected, someone else then offered up some other random single man they knew. I felt so embarrassed and I am so thankful that the other coworker with the son was not there to hear it. A “friend” tried to “connect” me with a guy who just wrapped up his fourth divorce. FOURTH. And all four of his ex-wives were “crazy bitches.” It totally was not him at all. Yeah. Sure. Just because someone is available doesn’t make them eligible!!

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There are certainly times when I wish I had a person to do things with, but I am still not bothered enough to do anything about it. I simply cannot understand why people get so bent out of shape about my personal life. Someone recently reminded me that if I was not careful then I would die alone. Guess what? We ALL die alone. Dying is the most alone thing you can do. You can certainly have people around you when you die, but you are still dying by yourself. And even if I never have a romantic partner, then I will still have friends and family (I hope) in the end. And even if you find your person, there are a million things that can happen between today and death that might mean that person is not there on that final day. Also, getting into a relationship because you are going to die eventually is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.

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I think my still being single is evidence of my good decision making. I have avoided numerous divorces by maintaining my standards! All the rest of y’all just settled (I’m kidding. Calm down). If I meet a person who I like and who does not expect me to be their mother (CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF), then I am open to that. Otherwise, I am good. We single folk are fine. My life is not sad. I never feel lonely. I have fun all the time. If we need your help, then we will ask for it. Thank you for your concern. Now mind your own business.

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