Death to Salad

This past week was so weird. We were closed Monday and Tuesday for the holidays, then I worked on Wednesday, then I was out sick on Thursday and Friday. I feel completely disoriented and have no idea what day it is. Last Wednesday, I met a friend for dinner at a Hawaiian place. We both ordered the same fish, but she got hers on rice while I had mine over salad (made with romaine). I was TRYING to make healthy choices and eat some vegetables. Let me tell you where that got me.

That night, I woke up after a few hours of sleep feeling weirdly queasy. I thought I had forgotten to take my heartburn medication, but as I walked to the bathroom I realized that I was going to vomit. And then I continued to do that through Saturday.

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So that sucked. I had all kinds of fun plans with friends for the weekend, but we had to cancel them all. Ugh. Salad never pays off! My friend who is a microbiologist told me it could be a stomach bug or from something I ate up to ten days ago (WTF), so blaming the salad is not fair, but I SHALL BLAME THE SALAD. I am going back to my Ron Swanson rules.

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I did get to watch a whole helluva lot of TV because I was not able to sleep, so here are some things I enjoyed!

Derry Girls on Netflix. I could not have loved this more. I had no idea what it was about, but was out of things to watch, and what a TRAYSURE it was. I am going to rewatch it again because I know I missed so much good stuff. I cackled mirthlessly the entire time. I need more episodes ASAP.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel season two on Amazon Prime. As I ranted endlessly on my Instagram stories, I felt like this season was about everyone except Midge. I like her parents as characters, but I do not need entire episodes dedicated to them. And what is going on with Abe? Good grief. I care nothing for Joel. I do not care about his problems, his regret, or his life. He left, so BE GONE. At least we got Benjamin (spoilery thoughts after the image). SO TALL AND DREAMY.

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SPOILERY THOUGHTS: The ending infuriated me and made no sense! Benjamin has been way more supportive of Midge than Joel ever was. Joel is a jealous manbaby. I do not understand why she couldn’t talk to him. I know this tour will likely change her life, but she did not even give Benjamin a chance to decide if he wanted to be a part of that change. The tour is six months, not six years. At least let him decide if he can wait. UGH.

The Innocent Man on Netflix. I read Grisham’s book (and was RATTLED at the time)12 or so years ago, but had mostly forgotten exactly what it was about. These are such horrible stories. Absolutely horrific murders and tragic consequences for those accused. I understand the pressure that police are under to solve crimes in small towns, and I know that they did what they thought was right at the time with the “science” they had available, but the DA refusing to admit that his mistakes led to over a  decade of incarceration really made me angry. As was stated a million times, we are talking about people, and people make mistakes, but what is the harm in apologizing that your mistakes put multiple innocent men behind bars? He ruined lives.

You on Netflix. WTF. This show was batshit. I was overcome with creepiness three minutes in, but that did not stop me from finishing it! Everyone in the show is the worst, but damn. I feel like the first season should have ended with the big mid-season event ten episodes were too many. Anyway, stay single and always kill people at least twice just to be sure.

SPOILERY THOUGHTS: I thought the gal who played Beck was pretty awful, but grown Dan Humphrey was spot on handsome sociopath. I actually felt myself feeling for him a few times because everyone is SO ANNOYING. The main thing I cannot understand is what happened with Peach’s death. Did he shoot her in the yard and leave her? Who kills herself on the lawn in a bathrobe? She would have done something much more dramatic and probably not have wanted to damage her head/face (this is a shallow assessment based on her extreme vanity, but I stand by it). If he didn’t leave her in the yard, then how did he transport her? How would he have cleaned up the blood in the yard? Also, why the hell did she think he was really down and out with a basic leg wound??? UGH, PEACH, you were smarter than that. And what happened to the DNA they supposedly had? I know urine is not typically used for DNA testing due to the low concentration, but that felt like it was left hanging (on purpose maybe?).

And how did NO ONE notice him taking several unconscious people down to the bookstore basement? And no one noticed him taking bodies out??? How did he carry them out?? It did not appear that he could have backed the car up to the basement opening. Also, NO ONE in Central Park witnessed his attack on Peach? NO ONE? In the middle of the day? PSHH. I will watch season two, but so much of it was too bananas. I guess being a good looking white guy pays off again.

Finally, IS CANDACE DEAD OR WHAT, Y’ALL? Are these people obsessed with Wuthering Heights because they’re as awful as those characters? Is Joe Heathcliff? Is he one day going to be buried in a pit with all his past lovahs so they can rot into one? I’ve spent a lot of time assessing this tenuous Brontë connection in effort to make a sense of this show. And why are they such DaVinci Code haters? I’ve read far far worse. To be honest, when it first came out, it doth shooketh me good (as the children say). It really blew my mind at the time that Jesus might have had sex. That might have been the beginning of the end. And for someone as relentlessly lazy and unmotivated as Beck, it’s pretty rich for her to be hating on any author. Neither of them have a literary high ground to stand upon.

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